Let me let you in on a secret. Being attractive has less to do with how you
actually look and more to do with how you act.
That ‘it’ factor, that special something that leaves us breathlessly
attracted to someone is…sensuality. The
ability to be sensual is within each of us.
It is a higher order art form that is practiced and crafted to
perfection over a period of years.
Unfortunately, in modern times the art of sensuality has largely been
lost and replaced by its vulgar distant cousin twice removed- sexuality. The words sensuality and sexuality may appear
to be similar but in actuality, they cannot be any more different. In an attempt to describe this lost art form,
we must in fact argue semantics and there is no way around it. To understand the essence of sensuality, we
need to understand sexuality and via comparison and contrast, identify and
develop this latent power inside us.
In sexuality, what you see is what you get. There is no mystery or intrigue. Once the other has seen and perhaps
experienced what you have to offer, there is a law of diminishing gratification
and he or she will look for something else to catch their attention. Both the journey and the destination are all
about (meaningless) sex, as indicated in the word sexuality. A person with
amped sexuality is a firecracker that fades as quickly as it goes off- a
bonfire that is big and bright in one moment, and a pile of embers the next. What is probably off-putting about sexuality
is that it is a very masculine type of trait.
It is an aggressive, sometimes intimidating, impetuous, in-your-face
display that stamps you with an expiration date in the eyes of so-called
admirers. Ouch, but true.
On the other more refined hand, sensuality is mysterious and
intriguing. It will keep those of both
sexes fascinated and wondering what you do to make yourself so damn
appealing. Sensual individuals take
their time enjoying their movement, radiating a palpable energy. Being sensual is a soundless intimate conversation
with another. It is a dance, a duet. And when a sensual being decides to be
intimate with someone, it is incredibly pleasurable to both parties and can almost
be considered to be a divine act. As opposed
to sexuality, sensuality is a feminine trait.
It is a warm, inviting, attractive energy that makes others feel
privileged to be in your presence.
The issue with today’s single population who bemoan the fact
that they are still single is that they are either too sexual or not sexual at
all. They do not realize that there is a
broader and more pleasing alternative.
For decades now, the concept of true sensuality has been lost to the
individual. This is probably because its
dominant and blatant cousin was more useful in raking in the dollars. Hence the
expression ‘sex sells’. Sexuality is
connected to almost every product in the market, from video games to cars to
cigarettes.
Even pop icons today are notorious for lewd, crass,
unapologetic behavior in an attempt to be so-called sex symbols. You have Justin
‘I-can’t-take-my-hand-off-my-crotch’ Bieber, the S & M Queen Rihanna and the
twerking, tongue-wagging Miley. Unfortunately
there are some things that you cannot un-see.
It is all a pathetic attempt to create shock value through explicit sexual
suggestion. Their examples of overt
sexuality are fostering a generation of both young, awkward nymphomaniacs and
young, withdrawn asexuals. Perhaps that
is a slight exaggeration but it might not be too far from the truth. In fairness, there are pop artists out there who
demonstrate more polish and sophistication without waiving originality and
edginess. Whether they possess a higher
degree of maturity, self-honesty, or are simply willing to reveal more
vulnerability, the net effect is greater sensuality. For example, I came across an up and coming
pop duo from Los Angeles called Millennium who is actually a husband and wife
team. Looking through their website, it
is difficult to find any explicit sexuality in their songs, photos or music
videos. And yet, the couple oozes
swagness and sensuality and you will not find their music lacking either.
What makes sensuality special is that it focuses on the
beauty of one’s inner self, whereas sexuality is focused almost solely on the
outer self and is truly superficial. Now
that we have extensively defined the two terms, which type of person would you
rather be, a sexual or a sensual person?
I thought so. While sex does in
fact sell, it is cheap and inferior to priceless sensuality.
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